I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
