he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
