i barfeds in our rink
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
