Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
