The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
