I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
