I look better un-naked...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
