her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
