i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize