remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Text me some of your sweat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
