i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
