good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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