Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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