I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
