Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
