for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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