Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
whose parrot is this?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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