I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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