I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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