ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize