Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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