i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
