So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
