Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
