Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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