I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
