guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
