Do you still have your period?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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