It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
being pregnant is like rehab
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize