Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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