The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
