Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I could fuck to npr.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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