You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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