kristin has been a bad kristin
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
