I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
