Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
