And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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