I'm really into asian looking animals
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
