Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
