True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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