did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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