OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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