I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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