how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
