If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
