Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
