I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
