it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
