Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
