I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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