allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
