You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize