Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
