never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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