nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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