im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
