...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do herpes really smell.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
