Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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