there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
