I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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