Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
