my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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