Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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